


Blue on Black

by Lobotomite



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Getting Together, M/M, no real aggression here, perhaps, there's a tiny bit of violence in the form of sparring but it's all friendly, was this fic inspired by my desire to have a shirtless roll-around with a certain mr diaz?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27046594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobotomite/pseuds/Lobotomite
Summary: Buck is being thoughtful. Buck is being selfless. Buck is just trying to show Eddie that he trusts him, just trying to help Eddie feel comfortable again in a pastime he used to enjoy.Okay, so maybe it's not exactly an unappealing thought, getting up close and very personal with Eddie and all those muscles of his. And okay, so maybe Buck has even thought about being pinned underneath him once or twice. That has nothing to do with Buck's suggestion of a friendly spar. Honest. It never even crossed his mind.Turns out, the possibility he might enjoy it a bit more than most people is something he really should have taken into account.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 24
Kudos: 278





	Blue on Black

Things are good. Not _perfect;_ it's impossible for things to be perfect while Buck's best friend is off being forced to pick vegetables and probably staying up way too late and Eddie won't even give Buck the number for his camp, the _bastard_ , Buck would be totally reasonable with the information and he resents the raised eyebrow he gets whenever he brings it up- anyway, the point is, apart from things feeling a bit off-kilter without Chris around, Buck is feeling more settled than he has in a long, long time. 

He might not have gotten exactly the kind of talk he'd wanted with Abby, but that was freeing in its own way - he's gotten all he's going to get. He got his answer through her non-answer, and now he can really move on, without wondering about any what-ifs, because it's clear that, for her, he never really featured in her future anyway. 

And that doesn't hurt as much as he thought it was going to. Because he's been thinking about his future a lot, and yeah, he still gets a sick, lost feeling in his gut at the thought of things changing, but he's trying to let himself believe that he'll manage to hold onto his family through the changes, that the future will be different but his family will be in it. When he looks into that future... he's realizing he likes it a lot more than the one he'd tried to imagine with her, and a lot of that has to do with Eddie.

Now, Buck isn't an idiot; he might be kind of a dumbass sometimes, but he's not stupid. He's known for a while now that his feelings towards Eddie turned from friendship to love somewhere along the way without him noticing. And yeah, that influences how good he feels, looking forward into a future where Eddie and Chris are stalwart presences, but he also knows that Eddie just isn't into him that way, and friendship is the only thing he's going to be getting. But that's okay, because Eddie might not be _in_ love with him, but he's pretty sure Eddie _loves_ him, and it might feel bittersweet sometimes but it doesn't feel anything like settling.

Especially not on days like this, cocooned in a warm haze of alcohol and _home_ at Eddie's side. 

Eddie doesn't get drunk often - Buck can count on one hand the amount of times he's even seen him tipsy. But with Chris still at summer camp and no work for a few days, the combination of a lack of responsibilities and a need for distraction has them both sprawled out on Buck's couch at who-knows past midnight, loose-limbed and tipsy and trying to find something to watch because Eddie was getting too drunk to handle the PlayStation controller. Buck, of course, was doing fine, but he's nothing if not a giver, so he lets Eddie have the remote and rests his head on Eddie's shoulder, trying to force the two televisions in his eyesight back together.

"You have _nothing_ good saved," Eddie grumbles, squinting alternately up at the TV and down at the remote as he tries to find something to put on. 

"No' my fault you don't have my good taste," Buck objects, giving up on keeping his eyes open and turning his face to press into Eddie's shirt. "Um...." He furrows his brow, running through what he knows he has to watch. He knows there must be _something_ Eddie won't object to - he has a habit he would never admit to of recording things he thinks Eddie might like just because Eddie might like them, and they don't sit and watch things enough to have gone through all of them. 

"Oh, I have- I have, um, one of those things saved." There's an expectant pause before Buck remembers that Eddie probably doesn't know what 'one of those things' is. "Uh, one of those- it's not called a game, is it, a... a fight? The, the, uh, M... M... C?"

"UFC," Eddie corrects. Buck nods, or attempts to, essentially just rubbing his face against Eddie's shoulder.

"Yeah, that. I don't remember who's in it but you like that kind of thing, right?"

Eddie grunts noncommittally. Buck frowns and hauls himself upright to look at him.

"You don't?"

Eddie shrugs, picking at the remote and avoiding Buck's eyes.

"Nah. Not anymore. It's kind of, uh... I'm trying to avoid shit like that."

"Oh." Buck takes a second to try and think. "'Cause- 'cause, like, of the, um, of the bad memories?"

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugs again. "Well, not really. Mainly I... I don't want to encourage that part of me. We've seen how well that turns out," he says with a self-deprecating laugh that lands uneasy on Buck's ears.

"So you... you don't like it anymore, or, or you _do_ like it but you think you're like the Hulk and you're gonna go all 'Eddie smash' 'cause you watched a fight?"

Eddie snorts and rolls his eyes.

"I think I preferred it back before me and Chris educated you on the MCU, when all the references went over your head." 

"Stop dodging the question," Buck scolds, prodding Eddie in the side. "You're not a- a mutant or some kind of _monster_ , Eddie, a friendly fight isn't gonna have you underground fighting again."

Eddie just shrugs again, starting up one of Buck's cooking shows in a clear attempt to shut down the conversation. Buck lets it go, leaning against Eddie's side and letting the drunken haze sink into him, but he can see the wistful downturn of Eddie's mouth and his brain starts to whir.

\---

One thing you can't accuse Buck of is a tendency to let things lie. A fair portion of that night is buried in a vague haze by the time he wakes up with his stomach protesting the previous night's treatment, but he definitely remembers the sad twist of Eddie's mouth when Buck brought up the whole M... U... fighting shit, and he's not about to just sit back and let his best friend punish himself by denying himself something he misses. 

Eddie rolls his eyes so hard they almost fall out of his head when Buck first tries to bring it up a few days later, but it only takes a few weeks for Buck to wear him down and finally get him to agree to a friendly spar.

"My choice of venue," Eddie insists, and Buck enthusiastically agrees, 99% sure Eddie isn't going to drag him into the wilderness and leave him there. 90% sure. He's 100% sure Eddie would go and find Buck if he took too long getting back, anyway.

When the cars slows to a stop, though, it's in front of a row of buildings and not in the middle of nowhere, and the gym Eddie leads him to is small and rundown but clean and comfortable. They're the only ones there - "I'm not really meant to bring a non-member in with me, but I don't think Allen will mind this once," Eddie says - and he can see Eddie trying to act put out by this whole thing, but he can also see the gleam in Eddie's eyes when they're standing across from each other in their gear. He knows for sure then that he's done the right thing, and it only takes a good few thumps from Buck to get Eddie to stop holding back and start really getting into it, finally actually fighting back, throwing a few genuine punches and trying to kick Buck's feet out from under him. 

Buck bounces away from the sweep of Eddie's leg and sticks out his tongue, swiping playfully at the air a few times and bouncing up on his toes, basking in Eddie's fond, exasperated smile.

"Have to be faster than that to land a hit on me," he teases.

"Alright then, big guy, you asked for it." Buck only has a second to appreciate the familiar mixture of playfulness and genuine competitiveness on Eddie's face before he has to throw himself out of the way, avoiding a quick jab to his side and stumbling over a sneaky foot kicking out at his ankle. He manages to keep his balance enough to knock Eddie's next punch out of the way and attempt to counter with one of his own, but when Eddie ducks in under his arm instead of away, making impact with the ground inevitable. 

"Fuck," he grunts, rolling over to try and push himself up - he stands no chance against Eddie on the ground like this - but Eddie is on him before he can do anything other than press his palm to the ground. 

He writhes, blindly lashing out behind himself, but Eddie catches his wrist and no matter how hard he tugs he can't break that strong grip, Eddie's fingers curled just tight enough to pull Buck's hand where he pleases, levering against the bend of his elbow and twisting his arm so it bends uncomfortably behind him and then up his back. He tries to kick back as a last-ditch effort, but before he has a chance to make contact Eddie has kicked Buck's shin away and thrown a leg over him, muscles flexing and pinning his legs together and against the ground, and Eddie's chest is pressing tight against his back, one arm around his neck holding him down and the other hand confidently pulling his wrist further up and up his back, straining at his shoulder and his wrist, and Eddie is panting hot against his neck, into his ear, letting out soft grunts of exertion, and Buck knows in the back of his mind that his shoulder is starting to protest but much more pressing is the way Eddie is so utterly in control, his strong thighs flexing against Buck's own, his thick bicep firm against Buck's throat and chin, his-

" _Buck_."

Eddie's grip is abruptly gone, releasing his wrist and neck, the hot press of his legs and chest pulling away and leaving Buck shockingly cold and sweaty.

"Buck, come on, what the fuck was that?" _He's angry_ , Buck realizes, hearing Eddie push himself up while he himself slumps down onto his front, panting more than he should be. "This is _for fun_ , Buck, I know you don't like losing but I _know_ that was hurting. You're meant to tap out when it _starts_ to hurt, not when you can't stand it anymore, I didn't come out here to- to fucking _hurt_ you." He hadn't properly registered it until Eddie says it, but his shoulder _does_ ache, uncomfortable from being twisted so far for so long.

"I'm sorry," he gasps, finally rolling his head to meet Eddie's angry gaze but otherwise incapable of moving from his position sprawled face-down on the mat. "I'm, I'm sorry, I didn't- I didn't realize it hurt until you let me go. I- I just- I got distracted, I wasn't pretending on purpose."

"Right," Eddie says with an aggressive snort, managing to look pained and furious all at once. "Not like you were trying to force your way into being my punching bag because you _still_ think I just want to lay into you, or anything." He rubs angrily at his face, and Buck isn't sure he's ever felt so untethered and confused. He's used to his attempts at helping going sideways, but fuck, he swore he was going to do better by Eddie.

"No! No, Eddie, I'm just- this isn't the kind of pain I'm used to, man, running into falling buildings is different from this kind of thing. And, look, don't let your head get so big, it didn't hurt _that_ much. It's only a bit uncomfortable."

Eddie shoots him an unimpressed look, looking impossibly tired sitting by Buck's head, legs sprawled out and leaning his arms on his thighs, shoulders slumped.

"Uh-huh. You're just lying real still because you feel like it, huh? You could just jump up and keep going right now?"

Buck is hit with molten embarrassment, remembering abruptly the whole reason he ended up in this conversation, and rolls his head to press his face into the floor, nose squishing against the clammy mat.

"Um... Okay, no, but I- I just need a second, okay, I'm not- I'm not _hurt_ , I just- just- I just need a second."

He's got his eyes squeezed closed, trying to force his body to co-operate with him, so he doesn't see but does hear Eddie sigh and shift closer, startling him with a hand squeezing his good shoulder and absolutely _not_ helping.

"What hurts, Buck?" he asks quietly, shifting automatically into the caregiver role that comes so naturally to him. "Come on, you're only going to make it worse, pretending you're fine."

" _Eddie_ ," he groans, wishing that he would just leave Buck alone for a damn second. "I swear, I'm not hurt, okay? I'm just- I'm-" he chokes on his embarrassment, throwing an arm up and burying his hot face in the crook of his elbow. "I'm just having an _inconvenient physical reaction_ , Eddie, I just need a second," he moans, voice muffled by his arm.

"...Like, a cramp? Buck, I don't know why you're being so- I just want to help." He sounds frustrated, but not angry anymore, so at least _something_ good has come out of this unexpectedly humiliating experience.

"Oh, my god, Eddie, the only thing that's hurting is my dick because I'm so fucking hard there's no way I could roll over without making you very uncomfortable and I'm _trying_ not to get arrested for public indecency so I _just. Need. A second._ "

Silence stretches on so long Buck thinks he might be about to prove that it is, in fact, possible to spontaneously combust from abject humiliation, but then, finally, there's a strangled noise from next to him and- and that asshole is _laughing_ at him, what the fuck!?

" _Eddie_ ," he protests, finally leaving the safety of his elbow to scowl over at him, but the expression melts from his face at the sight of Eddie, shoulders shaking, eyes and nose crinkling with genuine mirth, and there's no way he can actually be upset in the face of that grin. "It's not funny," he grumbles, fighting off the answering smile that's trying to force its way onto his face.

"It kind of is," Eddie disagrees, grin only seeming to widen, shaking with laughter. "You completely forgot we were in the middle of a fight because you got horny, that's pretty funny."

"You could at least wait until I'm not here before you laugh at me," Buck pouts. Eddie shrugs, unrepentant.

"'S what you get for making me think I hurt you. Come on, idiot, get up, the showers here do have a cold setting. That's gotta be at least as effective as lying here until you manage to get yourself under control."

"Eddie, there's _cameras_ , I really don't need some security guard seeing this. You knowing is bad enough."

"What kind of gyms do you go to that have cameras in the showers, Buck? You know that's not normal, right?"

"Oh my god," Buck huffs, narrowing his eyes at the smirk pulling up the corner of Eddie's mouth. Of course _now_ is when the dickhead decides to pull out his sense of humor. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Look, I know I said it's funny, and, well, it is, but, really, Buck, don't worry about it, okay? It happens, it's fine. I'll grab your bag so you can _protect your modesty_ and we'll go get cleaned up, head back to mine, and play some PlayStation. Unless getting your ass kicked in Mortal Kombat is something you're, uh, _into,_ as well."

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you."

"Oh, I will. Eventually." He smirks and hops easily to his feet. "Won't be today, though." He shoots a cocky grin over his shoulder while he walks away, and damn him, but Buck can't even pretend to be mad, not when Eddie looks so relaxed and, dare he say it, _cheerful_ , a direct contrast to the tension and distress radiating off him when he'd thought Buck was hurt. And if he's completely honest with himself, the sight of Eddie walking away from him isn't exactly helping his attempt to get himself under control, but it's certainly not hurting his mood.

"Asshole," he mutters to himself anyway, hoping saying that out loud will convince his stupid heart to stop fluttering like a damn hummingbird. 

It doesn't work, but at least he tried.

\---

True to his word, Eddie saunters back over and drops Buck's gym bag in front of him. The asshole makes an obnoxious show of turning his back to let Buck get to his feet and hold the bag safely in front of him, and an amused smirk stays affixed on his face at the awkward shuffle Buck has to make to follow him to the showers, but Buck's heart still constricts in adoration at how well Eddie has taken this whole humiliating experience. An upsetting percentage of the guys he's known would have bolted the second they realized what was going on.

"Eddie," he says at the entrance to the showers before Eddie has the chance to leave him to his embarrassment. "I- I just- you know why I wanted to do this, right?"

Eddie pauses and quirks an eyebrow, gaze pointedly dipping down to where Buck's erection is flagging but still unmistakable, and he can feel his face immediately go right back to flaming red.

" _No_ , you asshole, I- that's not- I'm being _serious_ here, man, you said it happens to everyone," he whines.

"I said it happens," Eddie replies smoothly, "I never said it happens to _everyone_."

"Okay, Eddie, yes, we all know I think you're stupidly hot, thank you, can you please let me finish being emotionally open with you without deflecting?" he grumbles, flushed and embarrassed, and- oh. Oh.

Eddie didn't know. 

How could Eddie not know? Buck _knows_ he owns a mirror and has functioning eyes, how could he have possibly missed the twin facts that he's so attractive it's almost painful, and that Buck has been one clear command away from dropping to his knees since the moment he laid eyes on him? Subtlety has never been one of Buck's strong suits, but when it comes to Eddie, he might as well be wearing a flashing neon sign declaring his adoration and attraction for him. But the confident, amused expression on Eddie's face drops, and his eyes widen, and he looks startled and then stunned and- fuck. That wasn't the point, Buck doesn't know how to talk about the way Eddie apparently managed to miss how utterly gone Buck is on him, so he barrels on and prays that this revelation-that-wasn't-meant-to-be-a-revelation doesn't take away from what he's been trying to say all day.

"Anyway, that- that- that's not the point, I didn't ask to do this because of- because of that. I asked you because... look, I know what I've said about the whole lawsuit-fighting thing, okay? That you wished it was me you were fighting. And honestly, at the time I kind of wished you _would_ hit me, because I- I felt like I needed to _earn it_ , you know? I guess I... I hadn't forgiven myself, and it- it was hard to accept that you were willing to let me into your life again, into Christopher's life again, because I- I- I can't even imagine what I would do without you, without you both, and I didn't think I really deserved it. 

But... I know that it was about me. I know that me wanting you to be angry, to make me earn it, that was... it was about me wanting to prove to myself that everything really was okay again. That you'd gotten everything out and we could move on from it. I know you never wanted to actually hurt me, I know you _wouldn't_ hurt me, I know you're not that kind of person. And so this was- I wanted to help you find the fun in this again, but I also wanted to... show you how much I trust you, I guess. Always, with everything, not- not just on the job." He fidgets nervously through his whole mini-speech, hoping his body's hideously inconvenient timing hasn't ruined the whole point of the evening.

"You're attracted to me," Eddie says slowly, brow furrowed like he's thinking hard. Buck's heart sinks.

"I- Yes, but, Eddie, that wasn't what this was about, really, it wasn't. I- I understand if it seems like I was trying to- but I never want you to feel uncomfortable, Eddie, never, I thought you were okay with it, I thought- I thought you knew." He swallows heavily, throat tight with a guilt he hasn't felt since he was a teenager trying desperately to keep his eyes to himself in the locker room, resisting the urge to cross his hands in front of his crotch even though the last of his arousal has been thoroughly extinguished.

"Is that it?" Eddie cuts in, tone urgent, eyes fixing directly on Buck and pulling him under. 

"What?"

"Is that all it is? Just... physical? Or..."

"Eddie, I... does it matter? Really? I don't- I don't expect anything from you, I swear I don't, so I- does it matter, how far it goes?"

"It matters to me," Eddie says slowly, voice firm, and Buck tries to be honest with him, he does, but he's staring down the barrel of the end of the closest relationship he's ever had, and when he opens his mouth the words die a quiet, pathetic death at the back of his throat. It has to be obvious, regardless, and Eddie clearly sees the truth of his feelings, because his face hardens in determination and he's in Buck's space in two strong strides, hands sliding around Buck's neck to pull him close, to press their mouths together roughly, leaving Buck dazed and flushed when they part.

"Me too," Eddie breathes, forehead pressed against Buck's.

"I... Wuh... Huh?"

" _Me too_ ," Eddie repeats, thumb rubbing gentle at Buck's cheek, and his face is too close to even see properly but Buck has never seen anything as breathtakingly gorgeous as the soft, warm brown blur of Eddie's eyes in that moment.

"Really?" He asks, voice cracking embarrassingly, but he can't find it in himself to actually _be_ embarrassed when Eddie's response is to pull him in again and introduce his tongue to the situation.

He's rapidly reconsidering his opposition to a public indecency charge - if it's with Eddie, he's pretty sure it would be 100% worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed, and feedback is very much appreciated :)


End file.
